Thursday, December 4, 2008

So much to do, so little time!

It's a been a while since I've purged myself here, so here it goes! Life is extremely hectic right now! I have soooo much to do and absolutely no time to do it! And to be honest, I really don't want to do anything! I think I have the holiday blues. I just can't seem to get my act together. I played hookie from work today and kept my kids home from daycare just because I needed a day to enjoy the world through my kids eyes! We put all of our outside christmas decorations up and all the inside ones, except the christmas tree. That's Saturday morning before we take the sunday school class to the mall.

I have prayed more and cried out to God more this year than my whole life combined. It seems like this past year has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Losing mom and Jr. still hurts me down to my soul everyday, and the holidays just make it worse. All the estate stuff is still up in the air too. Five Points Baptist Church is having a memorial service for mom, Jr, and Paul McAdams on December 21st if anyone's interested. Work is crazy busy and stessful. The kids are......well, they are precious, but they are 3 and 4 years old, so they keep me on my toes. Jason is a wonderful husband, but just the daily work that it takes to keep a marriage strong and interesting is exhausting sometimes. By the way, we are on day 5 of 40 of THE LOVE DARE. Don't get me wrong, we have a wonderful marriage, but we can always use a little boost! Then there is always financial stuff, which seems to be the biggest stressor in our house.

On the upside of things, my relationship with God, my family, and myself have gotten so much stronger this year. I have met and reconnected with the best girl friends I have ever had in my life. Love you girls! As I said before, Jason is a wonderful husband and to hear my kids laugh makes everything seem right with the world (if only for a few minutes).

I try not to let myself get into too bad of a funk, I know I have so much to be thankful for. But, sometimes I just need to wallow! There are a couple of scriptures that help me get through my wallowing phases: I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Ps 18.1-2).
(Jesus said)Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14.27)

So, while I work my full time job, do my full time wife and motherly duties, go to most of my husband's ballgames, teach Awana Puggles, help teach 5th and 6th grade sunday school, help with the youth group, get all my holiday shopping done, host Jason's huge family Christmas, mourn my first mother and fatherless christmas, etc....I will be praying for that sweet peace that Jesus promises. My heart is not afraid, but it is very sad that my kids no longer have grandparents to share in their milestones. I do feel blessed that mom and jr got to spoil my kids for even just a little while. Jason's parents were gone before they were born. But as I mourn death, I will celebrate the birth of Christ this christmas season, HALLELUJAH, amen!

Love you all, appreciate all your thoughts and prayers



Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

Sweet Karri,

You've had a year that would flatten most people and yet here you are, still with a big smile on your face even when you feel like crying. You are such an inspiration to all of us! I've been working on some Bible Study lessons called, "Stronger Than This.." that basically call us to live above our circumstances and quit being so dang wimpy! Believe it or not, you are someone who comes to mind first when I think of someone who will not let what Satan throws at them destroy their testimony. You keep your head up and when you think you can't stand, just know there's a whole load of Angels ready to hold you up.

I love you friend!


mom~of~4 said...

I know that we have only been ”really” in each others life for the short time since we have been coming to IB, but I do feel your pain with the holiday’s upon us. As I have said before, I miss my daddy everyday. My birthday is Christmas day and he ALWAYS made that day very special for me. Lucky for me God blessed me with me pregnancy with Taylor in May of 95 after daddy died in March of 95, but that first year he was gone was almost more than I could bare. Mother and I had not really been talking for about 2 years due to their divorce and my resentfulness toward her, so I did not HAVE to do the big family thing so I stayed in the bed with my head under the covers for what seemed like days. I’d shower, put on clean pajamas and go back to bed. The next Christmas was not much better, I was selfish. I got up and got Tay ready and her daddy took her to our family functions while I yet again wallowed in my grief. So to let you know you are WAY ahead of me and I still had(and have) my mother.
I am praying for you everyday that God strengthens you and your heart. You are a precious person and your smile and kind heart is a blessing. If I can ever do anything for you to help you or just to talk know I am here!
Love you and may God bless you and keep you.

Anonymous said...

I know that what we go through is never in vain. The hardest times in my life were when I grew the closest to God. And I think that is what he wants. To refine us and use us to glorify him and minister to others with the same hurts. And it is ok to wallow for a time, but we do know where our help comes from and WHO is our rock. I love you and thank you for all you do for the church. You are amazing! I will be praying for you....

Carrie said...

My heart bleeds for you. I think of you often in prayer. I cannot imagine how hard the holidays will be. Just know the God will get you through and you have lots of friends praying for you.

Love ya!

Holly said...

Girl, you got me wallowing with you:) I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through but I hope you know so many people are praying for you,especially this holiday season. You are soo stong even when you think you are weak. Love you and keep smiling:))

Jen said...

I love you more than words can express. I have lost my father but as you know I never knew him.... so I can't say that I know what you are going through, but I love you and I know how strong you are.

love you my bestest friend ever!

Shaunta said...

I know the pain that I feel just having lost Granny, but I cannot imagine the pain that you are feeling now. I would be so lost. But isn't it amazing how things like that have a way of bringing us closer to God? You are certainly an example of not bowing out when trouble comes your way. If you need to talk or blubber, call me! My box of Kleenex is ready.

Cheryl said...

You are one strong girl! I know you have been through a lot. You know who props us up when we start leaning huh? Keep HIM as your focus always and you will ease through this rough time. I lost my Dad, 18 years ago, and still miss him. The place in your heart that you have for them will always be there. Your Mom was such a wonderful person to everyone! She was loved by each and everyone that she came in contact with. She is such a special person. I can see her through you Karri. She taught you well! I pray you will have a peace as this Christmas comes upon us. Love You!~

Anonymous said...

I Love You and I am so thankful you are a part of my life. We so enjoyed having your kidos today and will keep them any time you need us. Dont ever hesitate to ask, thats what friends are for.

Love you,