It's a been a while since I've purged myself here, so here it goes! Life is extremely hectic right now! I have soooo much to do and absolutely no time to do it! And to be honest, I really don't want to do anything! I think I have the holiday blues. I just can't seem to get my act together. I played hookie from work today and kept my kids home from daycare just because I needed a day to enjoy the world through my kids eyes! We put all of our outside christmas decorations up and all the inside ones, except the christmas tree. That's Saturday morning before we take the sunday school class to the mall.
I have prayed more and cried out to God more this year than my whole life combined. It seems like this past year has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Losing mom and Jr. still hurts me down to my soul everyday, and the holidays just make it worse. All the estate stuff is still up in the air too. Five Points Baptist Church is having a memorial service for mom, Jr, and Paul McAdams on December 21st if anyone's interested. Work is crazy busy and stessful. The kids are......well, they are precious, but they are 3 and 4 years old, so they keep me on my toes. Jason is a wonderful husband, but just the daily work that it takes to keep a marriage strong and interesting is exhausting sometimes. By the way, we are on day 5 of 40 of THE LOVE DARE. Don't get me wrong, we have a wonderful marriage, but we can always use a little boost! Then there is always financial stuff, which seems to be the biggest stressor in our house.
On the upside of things, my relationship with God, my family, and myself have gotten so much stronger this year. I have met and reconnected with the best girl friends I have ever had in my life. Love you girls! As I said before, Jason is a wonderful husband and to hear my kids laugh makes everything seem right with the world (if only for a few minutes).
I try not to let myself get into too bad of a funk, I know I have so much to be thankful for. But, sometimes I just need to wallow! There are a couple of scriptures that help me get through my wallowing phases: I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Ps 18.1-2).
(Jesus said)Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14.27)
So, while I work my full time job, do my full time wife and motherly duties, go to most of my husband's ballgames, teach Awana Puggles, help teach 5th and 6th grade sunday school, help with the youth group, get all my holiday shopping done, host Jason's huge family Christmas, mourn my first mother and fatherless christmas, etc....I will be praying for that sweet peace that Jesus promises. My heart is not afraid, but it is very sad that my kids no longer have grandparents to share in their milestones. I do feel blessed that mom and jr got to spoil my kids for even just a little while. Jason's parents were gone before they were born. But as I mourn death, I will celebrate the birth of Christ this christmas season, HALLELUJAH, amen!
Love you all, appreciate all your thoughts and prayers